Coruscant brawl (Rin vs Ardus)

[Elifain]

Ardus paced around the famed Jedi council room, in the Jedi temple of coruscant. It had grown quiet here, as of late, something he hoped would change, and soon... The skirran kept glancing out the window, enjoying the site of the coruscant sunset, a site that had taken him years to see.

[Zilfer]

Rin exited the turbolift down the hall. She wondered why she had been called to the to the Jedi council room. The Jedi temple had been rebuilt since it had been destroyed by the Empire. It had built mostly like it had been before however there were a few differences. She opened the door to the council room not knowing what to expect to the summons and she saw a Skirran. The one she had seen when she had followed Jik to the Brotherhood.

"You called Sir?" asked Rin a bit uncertainly as she closed the door behind her. It was bright in this room, and she was glad. Her species tended to hate dimly lit places. Their race had grown up on a planet with constant sunlight. The city of Coruscant was back to it's regal beauty, and it's grand view out of the Jedi temple's council room was something to truly behold. Especially since it had recovered from Emperor Cain's tyrant. His darkness had been something truly scary. She was glad it was gone now. Though other threats were presented in the galaxy now. She waited for Ardus to acknowledge her.

[Cain]

1:

Ardus - Short, probably too short. Though since this is the first ever post to be judged, I'll be lenient just this once. I like some of the details given here but you could definitely do a whole lot more to set the scene.

3/10

Rin Shepard - To the point, though slightly more detailed. Still could use more. As with Ardus I'll be lenient about the length seeing as how this is the first judging. I did like the details about the effects of the environment on Rin's species (though you never mention what that species is), and your description of the Jedi Temple's interior was also good.

5/10

[Elifain]

Ardus slowly turned, as he heard Rins voice, coming from behind him, and slowly stepped away from the window, until he stood beside one of the throne-like seats, that adorned the room, placing a hand on the back of it.

Rin shepard. It is good to find you well, but the time of trials has come. The skirran said, calmly, his voice sounding just above a whisper, in her mind. As he finished, Ardus slowly stood straight up, moving away from the seat, and activated his blades, which erupted into life with a slight hissing sound, and an iridescent blueish glow. Aruds didn't make a move at first though, adding, This will be a test of all that you know. Fight me, as you would an enemy.

As he finished, the skirran squared himself up, as would a fist fighter, and waited.

[Zilfer]

Rin watched as Ardus spun around after she had spoken. He skill looked the same as the day she had met him upon Felucia. She felt the brush against her mind as the skirran spoke. It was uncomfortable, she had bad experiences in her past with mental influence. She had been only a few years younger then she was now, and already she had grown so much since then. It never pleased her to be reminded of the past, when she had been taken captive by Archos and raped by his companion Kayen, a ruthless Iridonian. That had done enough mental damage as is but not soon after the sith had taken over here where they stood now. The Jedi temple, and a man named Nanashi had controlled her like a puppet. His power had been intoxicating, and his will infinitely stronger then hers.... at least then. Now was different though, she had regained much of her will thanks to Jik.

She slowly swallowed as Ardus told her it was time to test her. She was unsure of what exactly this test entailed but she did not believe herself to be ready for any title of power, for she was weaker than almost everyone around her. As he came around the chair in the council chamber she flinched when he activated his blades. Instinctively she reached for her lightsaber on her belt but held her hand still at the silvery hilt. Ardus told her that he wanted her to fight him like an enemy. There was only one problem however, is that she did not like fighting. She wouldn't attack another person, and held no ill will towards others.

"I'm sorry, I don't quite understand." said Rin hesitantly. "I wouldn't fight an enemy. There is always a way to talk a way out of a situation."

She held tight to her lightsaber for the Skirran was now in a fighting stance ready to battle. She tried to remain calm and relaxed reciting the first line of the Jedi code.

'There is no emotion, there is peace....'

[Cain]

2:

Ardus - Still very much to the point and short on the details. Don't be afraid to dive in, eli. Let us know what's on Ardus' mind. Set the scene for us. Writing is an art, paint us a picture. =P

4/10

Rin Shepard - I like the view into Rin's state of mind you give here as well as the little bit of background information. You also seem to be staying true to your character, which is a definite plus.

8/10

[Elifain]

Ardus sighed, or what could be called a sigh, from a race with no mouth. He shook his head slowly, regretting having to attempt to push Rin into this situation, but if for nothing else, it would help her survive, later on. Ardus deactivated his blades, quietly.

Ardus slowly reached out with his mind, and with a quick scan, retrieved a mental image of Kayen, as well as Nanashi, taking a mental note of that one, and finally drawing an image of Jik, the man she had joined the federation with. He began to recede out of Rin's memories, and placing his consciousness fully into her senses, allowing him to change what it was that she saw, and felt around her. With remorse, Ardus slowly changed her vision to revealing himself as the Iradonian who had raped her. His face, changed to show the passing of years, but wearing the same grin he had on when he accosted her.

When he spoke, to Rin's ears, it would sound as if it were Kayen speaking out loud, Oh, look. the little girly. Come back to play? before letting out a laugh that sounded remorseless.

Slowly, the Skirran in Iradonian appearance, started walking forwards towards Rin before reaching one hand out towards her.

[Zilfer]

Rin felt calm after going through the code once. It reminded her that many Jedi had gone through hardships. They couldn't let that get them down. They were here to protect and serve the people at large. It looked like Ardus was disappointed at her answer, and she did not fully understand why. He disarmed his blades which she thought she should be soothed by this but she wasn't.

Caught off guard by the mental stirrings Ardus' kind employed she had allowed herself to be open to him. This was the primary way Ardus' kind spoke to other beings anyways, through telepathy. She found herself caught unprepared for what was to come next, had see had known such an attack was coming perhaps she would have been able to repel it. She had been abused by telepathy before and she knew the signs to look for and how to hold them out, but she had left the door wide open until now and Ardus before her began to take the shape of a figure of her past. Kayen, the ugly Iridonian covered in sith tattoos. Like some freak spawned from the depths of Coruscant's slums, or the smuggler's moon Nar Shaddaa. The black and yellow tattoos were something she had never seen in her life, quite the opposite appearance as to her.

Kayen's appearance had been corrupted by the darkside. The horns of his species had been rotting, his teeth were a sickly yellow, almost as yellow as his round eyes. In comparison she had nearly the perfect skin, long flowing brown hair, and green eyes. Almost like a painter had made her so real on the page that she one day had decided to walk out of the picture. Just the sight of him had instilled memories she would rather had forgotten about to the front of her mind.

As Ardus instilled the words in her mind to sound like Kayen she found herself frozen in place unable to move. What was holding her she wondered? Could his presence still hold that amount of emotional pull even after all these years? She thought she had put this behind her but fear gripped her. Kayen after a harsh laugh that made Rin flinch mentally he began to come forward. She panicked for a moment. 'I must not fear, for it will cloud my senses.'

Before Kayen reached her fully at least Rin felt the will to move. Her resolve had come back to her and she had a response for this phantom. Her hand shot out straight forward from her utility belt that all Jedi wore. She looked straight into his eyes as she spoke.

"Go.... Away!"

A fierce telekinetic blast, the strongest she could summon up pulsated from her outwards at Kayen and the rest of the room. She just wanted everything near her, especially Kayen to go away from her. The telekinetic blast sent the master's chairs flying towards the windows and beyond as the glass cracked and shattered, sending shards out over the side of the Jedi temple. She was now in control of her emotions, fear would not hinder her now.

[Cain]

3:

Ardus - The details are much better, and we get a good feel for what Ardus is thinking as he does this to Rin (A very dark use of the Force, btw =P)

7/10

Rin Shepard - I like how you describe Rin's thoughts step by step, it really places the reader in her shoes and allows them to experience the events through their perspective. The descriptions of Kayen are also really good.

9/10

[Elifain]

Ardus was not altogether shocked at Rins reaction, as he had brought it out of her. He was, however shocked at the ferocity of the attack. As soon as it started, Ardus was quick to react, putting all his strength, and his arm blade, which hissed to life, into a punch straight down into the ground. The blade entered quickly, and a resulting crack from one of his left hand fingers,could be heard, but the result was when Rins force wave went off, he skidded along the ground a few feet back, stopping near a window, as it shattered, and the throne behind where he was standing flew out of it.

'If this continues, I'll be in sore shape indeed. I may have the power of the mind on my side, but she has the force...' Ardus thought to himself, as he stood up, still in the kayen form. He altered it slightly as he looked down, to show the Iradonians sith tunic torn across the chest, revealing scars that would define most warriors lives. These scars, however, were made to look as if they were bleeding. He looked up, a look of shock crossing the illusions face, as if unsure what was going on, before drawing a gold colored lightsaber, purely illusion, but made to appear in the same location as ardus' own PSI blade, with its similar qualities.

You've grown in power young one... The sadistic smile returned to Kayens face, as he added, I will enjoy breaking you... As he finished, ardus strode towards rin, but angling his approach that it would bring him in on her left, this time more cautiously then the first time, each step measured out to give Rin enough time to draw on him, if that be her decision, or give him enough time to avoid one of the more powerful force moves, he was willing to bet she had stored for him.

'Words will get you far, Rin san Shepard, but when words fail, what will you do...' Ardus whispered into Rins mind, in his normal voice, as he approached. The event started remind him of a time far back, when his father had tested him forcing ardus to slay friends and family, in this mental game, not knowing that those whom he fought, were merely illusions. If his father hadn't held back hits, Ardus wouldn't have survived it as he had, both because Korvecs' skill, as well as Ardus' own reluctance to kill. Something that hadn't worried him since that day.

[Zilfer]

It seemed her attack hadn't done exactly what she wanted but had created space that was enough time to think. She had been talking to Ardus she reminded herself, he wasn't real. The Skirran was playing with her mind, she needed to focus on what she knew was real. She started from her, and the room she knew those were in fact real. Then she started to fight the mental influence slowly starting to recognize Kayen didn't look like Kayen. His general shape was the same but he was a form of indistinguishable features, she was definitely fighting the influence but it wasn't completely gone, she still couldn't see her opponent's true form.

Rin ignored what the apparition had said, it was just meant to confuse and throw her off balance. Form what little she remembered about the days back when her mind had been dominated by Lord Nanashi there was a spoken motto. Confuse, confound, and consume. Well she wasn't going to let that happen. She drew her blaster pistol from her hip using a single finger to flip the blaster onto the stun setting. She was going to try a trick Jik had once shown her during practice. If you got the right kind of blaster the stun bolt would pass through a lightsaber and stun the person wielding it. He had laughed back then. Recently, Jik hadn't been laughing at all.

As she took aim, she breathed slowly and remembered Jik's instructions. He had been training her recently in how to use blasters, she wasn't particularly a good shot but she was much better then she had been before which was pretty much clueless. 'Pull the trigger slowly, this isn't about who gets the most shots off. Just the one who hits first and the most. Don't panic, the last thing you want to do is hit a pipe or something explosive and leave everyone dead.' repeated some of Jik's instructions in Rins head. She fired multiple shots at Ardus as he spoke to her mind.

"I'm not a killer, I refuse to kill anyone. That is not the Jedi way," said Rin in defiance now. "Please understand, you cannot push me to kill anyone. I don't want to hurt you...." She decided no matter what happened she wouldn't kill Ardus even if he came in for the kill, which at the moment she wasn't for sure the intensity of Ardus' intent for she could not see him. It was a good thing she knew quite a bit of the healing arts in case one of them got hurt.... though the way this was going it could be beyond her expertise.

[Cain]

4:

Ardus - I'm a bit confused on what exactly you did to resist the Force Wave Rin sent at Ardus. I gather he drove a lightsaber blade into the floor and used it to ground himself. I guess where I'm confused is how he broke his finger doing it, and what exactly is an arm blade? Things you probably could have explained more clearly. Though aside from that I liked your post and I really liked how you used color to seperate the two voices.

6/10

Rin Sheppard - Starting to take a turn toward the offensive I see. I'm a bit wary of how you'll play this out, but I suppose I'll let you continue down this path and make my judgment of it then. I like the mental monologue Rin is having with herself, but I was confused by this statement, "this isn't about who gets the most shots off. Just the one who hits first and the most." Sounds like you just contradicted yourself there.

6/10

[Elifain]

As Rin pointed her blaster at Ardus, and prepared to pull the trigger, The skirran quickly altered her perception to show him as being a step to the left of where he actually was, while stepping to his right and starting his charge in towards her. He knew he was not in full control of his adversaries mind, and was little surprised when He was still struck, as he did, by one stray shot, that glanced into his left arm, making it go completely numb. He winced at that, as his charge brought him closer to rin shepard, and he prepared himself for her next force attack, while his right arm came around in a slash with his blade. The sword was set to low charge, a mode that was mainly to stun enemies, and allow the skirrans to take them alive.

If this keeps up, She may find me in check-mate... Ardus said to himself, as the slash went in, his left arm starting to get feeling back, and none of it good. He did however, renew his assult on rins mind, trying to take control of her senses, once again, as he spoke, if he succeeded, in kayens voice, Can't get rid of me that easily, little one!

[Zilfer]

OOC I'm assuming since I didn't post yesterday I lose this one and cannot post again.

[Elifain]

ooc: If so, i withdraw my post, as it is partially my fault you didn't get a post.